Fight Sin & Win! (An Easter Message)

This piece is dedicated to Pastor Marty of Peace Lutheran Church in Lombard, Illinois.

 I have disliked church most of my life because of the crowds of people and loud music is just a lot for my damaged central nervous system to take in, but I’ve always had faith.

 I was telling my parents just this morning I wish I could hear Pastor Marty’s sermons without having to deal with everything else.

 I was on edge through the music while everyone stood up and people surrounded me, but it was worth it because I got to listen to Pastor Marty’s sermon.

 Pastor Marty eloquently discussed different kinds of sin.  There is sin you accept and there is sin you fight.  He encouraged us all to fight more sin then we ever have before.  He told us that if we choose to fight more sin then ever before the hardest year of our lives lay ahead.

 I KNOW he is right because this past year I have fought harder against sin then ever before.

 When I talk about sin for this piece I would like to use the original meaning without religious connotation so people of all faiths can be united in this journey.

 Sin in its original form literally translates to miss the mark.

 I missed the mark when I was younger because I hated myself and was so sad.  I missed the mark as a young adult because I accepted the sub standard roads of what I “should” do.

 I do what I want to do now by the grace of God and the joy that the universe plants in my heart.  I love everybody and everything because that is what God wants.  I sin everyday because of fear and other emotions, but I own it and bring it out in the light.  I still have fear I just refuse to hide it anymore.

 I am a sinner and a screwup, but God still looks out for me!  I promise you no matter what, he is looking out for you today and everyday.

 The sin of yesterday does not matter.  God will release you from past mistakes today or any day when you accept the love of the universe.

 I have a lot of faith today and know it is here to stay.   Anyone can say they have faith in good times, but it takes conviction to have faith in lesser times.

 I am blessed because all of my necessities are taken care of, but find myself bare because the desire cupboard is so empty .

 I have less money then ever, the loneliness of my heart continues to build everyday and my sports career stays stagnant due to many factors, which I have little control over, but I still KNOW I am BLESSED!

 I know God and I have the same destination in mind because he is the one who wrote the directions in my heart.  I don’t understand his unseen barriers and detours or his timing.

 That is not my concern!  God will take care of me today and everyday.  The only thing I focus on is giving my best everyday.  I promise that all God wants is for us to give our best and try to raise the bar a little higher each day!

 Happy Easter Everyone!  God Bless and as always thanks for reading!

Chris

Restless Rathje, Endless Energy and Faith

As the title indicates I am very tired.  There has been times in my life I have been sadder, there has been times I have been WAY more depressed, but I can’t remember a time I was more tired.

 I’m not a victim and I don’t let negative energy take over my soul.  I keep doing what I feel is right and everyday my hole keeps getting deeper.  I’m okay with that because with every piece of dirt being removed my mountain keeps getting higher.

 All I have ever REALLY wanted to do in my life is play sports.  Sure I listen to music, and watch certain TV shows and movies, but that’s really just recharging my brain with ideas for writing.

 I have this connection with certain movies.  I think it is God’s way of communicating with me in certain junctures in my life.  On Thursday I discovered a trailer for a movie called Away We Go.  It spoke to me so loudly I have probably watched the clip over sixty times already.

 The first sound in the trailer is the question ”Are we screw-ups?”

 I can relate with this so well the only fitting word to describe the situation is scary.

 I have ignored lucrative work opportunities, not drank a drop of alcohol in over two years and I can’t remember what month it was when another human being entered my apartment for a social visit, all in name of my dreams that keep putting up barrier after barrier after barrier.  I keep helping person after person all in the name of karma and I can’t get one break when it comes to the only thing I REALLY want.

 I have been blessed to be around hundreds of Paralympians over the last nine years.  Some get how blessed they are and others take their blessings so for granted it makes me want to puke and cry at the same time.  I would give every luxury I have for a real level playing field in one sport. 

 It looks like I am not going to get a break in the short run and I am as far from okay as I can be, but I’m staying put.  I have no idea how I can possibly make it through another year of this, but I know I will.  I am one tough nut, but the reason I am going to prosper is not I.  It is the grace of God.  I have been running on fumes since February and every single thing that kept me going is gone and did not happen.

 999 out of 1000 people would leave and never look back..  I am the one who is staying.  I am a screw up, I am sloppy and I am sad, but my faith cannot be matched.

 I have already put in so much, why quit now?  THE ODDS DON’T APPLY TO ME!  I don’t look in the natural world.  I look in the supernatural world of my minds eye.  My dreams are coming and you can book it!

 No matter what you are facing God provides in the long run.  Don’t get too overwhelmed by the false constraint that the human mind creates.  Time is an illusion.

 I know it sounds weird and confusing, but joy is causing this.  I just don’t want anything else  a tenth as bad as this.  I know I am one of the “freaks” of the sport I get that, but why I am always on the outside?

 The only way I can rationalize it is to show how bad I really want it.  I an a screw up who keeps squeak, squeak, squeaking.  I’m lucky because I have everything I need, but what happens when you get nothing you want and the desire doesn’t go away or change.

 I really don’t know.  I’ve taken a departure, but that’s how shattered I feel.

 Just in this moment I remember I determine my life.  I’m gonna keep smiling even though I don’t know why.

 God gave me a call from my buddy Robb and some stupid lowbrow television laughs that was enough to make it through the night and tomorrow, God will give me enough to make it through the day.

 I sit here and wonder do people really understand how consistently I have wanted this or do they think its melodrama?  Do people really realize how systematically I have been excluded or do they think I am a whiner?

 I know I am telling the truth so He will be okay with me.

 This Energizer Bunny is running out of juice and the 3 D world has nowhere to recharge that I can see. Somehow, someway I am going to make it up the mountain and anyone else can too!

 I feel like I reached a new level of clueless screw-up, but I still have faith I am going to make it to the top.

 Thanks for reading

Chris 

The Mountain Just Got A Little Higher

I would like to apologize if the post offended anyone yesterday, but I do not regret anything and I take nothing back.  I am a very positive person, but the operative word is person.  I’M A HUMAN BEING!  Just like everybody else I’m flawed.  I’m not made of candy and unicorns, I am a human being made of bone and blood.

 The reason I wrote I am a horrible whiny jerk is because that is how I felt.  I got devastating news yesterday, but that did not control my reaction.  I got red in the face with anger and cried and the fact that I had such a negative reaction bothered me to the core.  I did not like my reaction, but I’m not afraid of it. Bring things out into the light and see what happens.  Embrace how you feel and move onward and upward.

 One of my favorite lyrics of all time is by Jason Mraz. 

 It takes a hole to build a mountain.

 The hole just reached its deepest levels ever not because of yesterday, but because of everything that happened before it in addition to yesterday.

 I am no victim, I sign up for these ground rules that treat me unfairly year after year after year because my heart just won’t shut up.  Sports in a vacuum give me so much joy.  I am just incredibly tired of playing under a different set of rules because I have a different origin of my disability.

 This has to stop and I will be the leader in the cause.  Kids with cerebral palsy need to know they are just different, not worse and sports classification plays a huge role in this.  I have had low self esteem most of my life.  Every kid with a disability gets a large dose of self-hatred from the able bodied community, but when you have  CP you get a double dose within the disabled community.  We are not spazzs, we are not jokes and we are not failures because are bodies work differently.

 My vision doesn’t change I am still going to London and Chicago as an athlete.  The path takes a detour, but it does not change.  I got places to go and I am still headed to my final destination.

 The skies are very hazy, but that’s okay because my mountain is higher then ever.

 I Love Everyone!  Thank You!

Chris

I Am A Horrible Whiny Jerk

I feel like a horrible person today. I feel like a shell of myself and I hate it.

My heart is broken. A member of the opposite sex did not cause this break to occur, a sport did! All I have ever wanted to do since 3rd grade is play sports and I have been systematically excluded from success.

It’s all because when I was a baby I didn’t have enough sense to break my neck. Silly me, got oxygen deprivation and hurt my central nervous system instead. I should have known better, but they just don’t teach you these things when you are a minute old.

You know how miserable my childhood was because I could never figure out how to get my hands to work like the therapists said they should.

Do you know how wonderful it feels to be introduced to a community of people who struggle just like you do? And how gut wrenching it is when your new brothers mock you because you can crawl or go down a ramp a little easier.

People seem to forget how hard it is for me to drive and people have no idea what is like to use only one eye at a time or what a startle reflex is really like? A startle reflex is a lie that CP constantly sends to your brain. It tells you to stop every time you do something right. Take a push STOP! Pass the ball STOP! Catch the ball STOP! You try too hard to fight it and some sloppy things are going to happen.

Please ask the Lakeshore staff how many countless hours I have tried to retrain my startle reflex and the ridiculous amount of hours I spend in the weight room and fieldhouse trying to live up to a 3.0 standard I now realize I can not.

The league has no problem taking my 10-20 hours a week of volunteer work, but God forbid I want a fair classification so I have the same opportunities as everybody else. I have big dreams and it is hard to see court time on any team if you are 1.0 higher then you should be. I have gone to ridiculous lengths to get court time on other teams and no body seems to notice.

I am mean, I am horrible and I am not myself because I so distraught. All these negative words describe me because of my mind set, but I refuse to accept that the pats on the heads and the shrugs of the shoulders are going to cut it anymore.

What is the point of a classification system? We would not have a sport if Duncan Campbell and his teammates sat back and did nothing like I and the rest of my CP and polio siblings are being asked to do. Lets try some new things; we just want a fair shot. When people tell me one more year, my response is I have already waited 18.

Basketball punched me in the mouth so I put my hope in track. I was fast among my CP peers after many years of hard work just in time for the IPC to eliminate my Paralympic dreams. For Beijing they kept CP field so I picked it up. In less then a year I broke the US record in four events, but was nowhere near the world record. I knew I wasn’t going to make Beijing last summer by the time May rolled around, but I thought since I had four US Records I would at least go to my own nationals in Arizona. Nope, it was considered an international meet using international standards. I was not allowed to compete in my own nationals after earning four national records.

CPs are systematically kept from success and I am the squeaky wheel that is not going to quiet down until there is change. The next time someone tells me to be patient take a moment to think what I have already endured.

Like I said I am a whiny horrible jerk. I am very very tired and I just want a level playing field so I can close my eyes and see one or two dreams come to pass.

I still love everybody, the status quo of the system just breaks my heart.

Thanks for reading
Chris

The Sun Shines on Everyone!

This is connected to my last post. In the closing minutes of my speech yesterday, some of the students asked me questions. They were all great and I appreciate every single one, but the one that stuck out to me the most was if there were any current movies that spoke to me.

 I explained to them how my mind was not set to movies like it had been in the past, but Sunshine Cleaning had stuck out to me and I hoped to see it while I was up in Chicago.   I saw it today and I was encouraged by what I saw.

 I apologize in advance; this is not going to be the most organized, well thought out piece I’ve ever written. My mind is not in that place right now and so my work cannot be either.

 I did not have my usual laser focus while watching this movie, my mind wandered, but it was still wonderful.   The characters in Sunshine Cleaning were far from perfect, but they were all beautiful in their own way.

 The color scheme of the entire movie set a subtle surreal tone for the entire journey and it just helped drive home the point that what most people see as ugly or disgusting has its own beauty.

 Be Different!  Have the courage to be the kid who licks the wall, recognize the kindness of the one armed man and recognize the service you are providing by cleaning up gruesome areas.

 Sunshine Cleaning had so many beautiful themes that were similar to its distant cousin movie Little Miss Sunshine, but it stood alone as well.  Sunshine Cleaning seemed more raw to me; it seemed a little dirtier.

 It reminds me of so many people who are a little rough around the edges.   I encourage anyone who knows someone that fits this description to give them a chance. You never know what they had to go through to make those edges rough.

 People assume my life is so hard because I use a wheelchair.  To be blunt the wheelchair and the physical challenges that go along with it are the easy part.  People who have horrible attitudes and project their weakness on me are the cripples, not me.  I’m tough, I’m robust and I will prosper in the New Mexico desert of Sunshine Cleaning.

 I know I am ugly and scary to so many just like the one armed man, but I try extremely hard to love everybody.  Little kids love talking to me and that’s enough of a reassurance I am doing something right.  They haven’t been told to dislike this person or that person yet.  They still listen to their hearts and love everybody.

 I got a little rougher and a little rawer today as my patience continues to wane on a topic that is closest to my heart, but I’m okay with that if it means I can go to a world where I fit in better with the boy who licks walls, the one armed man and the crime scene cleaners.

 Sunshine is an equal opportunity element. Always keep joy in your heart, give your best and uplift others!  It doesn’t matter where you come from, it matters where you are going : )

 This one is again dedicated to my undergrad IMC buddies, barriers are going to come, people are going to piss on your head and tell you it’s raining, but be strong!

 Declare I got places to go and nothing is going to stop me!  The odds of failure are only for those weak chumps who buy into what they “should” do and what they “should” expect!

 The greatness train is coming and it’s got a squeaky wheel so everybody can hear it coming.  Squeak! Squeak!

 Thanks for reading

Chris

Expanding The Zone

I would like to apologize for the long time between posts.  The end of the rugby season and a new project that wrapped up yesterday took up vast amounts of my time. 

 My new project that wrapped up yesterday excites me because it is a new forum for me to share my ideas.  Yesterday I had the privilege to speak to an undergrad class at the Integrated Marketing Communications program at the Medill School, Northwestern University.

 I had the great privilege to earn my masters degree from the same program in 2005.

 In my talk I obviously spoke quite a bit about marketing, but I tried to also talk about life.

 Here were the ground rules for our conversation:

 1. Have some fun 

2. At some point I am going to mess up (and contrary to popular belief that’s okay)

3.  Life is not about perfection; life is about growth

4. Take away what you want and dispose of the rest

 These points are chrisrathje.com regulars and I don’t think I need to expound on them in this post, but I am proud of these points and I hope the students learned something yesterday because I really enjoyed working with them and they allowed me to realize something.

 A large part of my conversation was a part called the Evanston Lessons.  Evanston is a city directly north of Chicago where a large part of the Northwestern campus is located.

 On one slide I talked about my four favorite movies during the 15 months I lived in Evanston.  I enjoy movies so much and for some reason these four just spoke to me.

 At some point either on chrisrathje.com or Soup Fork: The Book, I will share exactly what I shared with the class, however for now I would like to focus on how I felt.

 I was happy, excited and flat out pumped about my conversation with the students, but by the time I was discussing Elizabethtown, my favorite movie and the impact it had on my life  I was in the zone.  A force much greater then myself had taken over and the address of my mind was the zone in all directions.

 It is the exact same feeling I have when I have not realized four hours have gone by sitting in front of my desktop.

 Thank you Wildcats for helping me to expand my zone, please remember there is nothing special about me whatsoever.  I just follow the joy that is planted in my heart.  Following my joy has allowed me to expand my zone and following your joy can help anyone discover his or her zone or expand it.

 All students of life please remember to love your life and your path.  Barriers are sure to come, but no matter what hardship might come follow the joy.  Don’t worry about the big world.  Just worry about your zone, raise it to new heights and expand it when the time is right.

 Life is far from perfect, but it is beautiful!  :)  I know I am sloppy sometimes and I know I am stupid sometimes, but I’m going to keep eating life’s soup one forkful at a time!

 God bless everyone, thanks for reading

Chris

Live from Louisville

Hey Everyone

I’m sorry I have been MIA for the last few days. I have been very busy getting ready and participating in rugby nationals.

I am so blessed to be around such an amazing rugby family. There are nothing but wins in my heart because of all the wonderful people and experiences I get to be surrounded by.

As athlete of the year Nick Springer says “We are all in this together!”

All the players are SO SO thankful for the contributions that the volunteers give so selflessly to our sport.

We Love Rugby!

THANK YOU!
Chris