Ownership Isn't Always Happiness

I’m just sitting here in my apartment and man do I feel like an idiot.

I have a ticket to a party that I spent a pretty penny on and I’m not going. I’m so filled with anger I don’t want my toxic feelings to affect others.

Most days I am so f-ing lonely and today I have a chance to change that and I am so filled with rage I can’t be around other people.

The reason I am so angry is because I am just realizing karma does not work how I thought it did.

I really have no idea how karma works anymore. I try to be the happiest, nicest person I can when inside I am sad and tired and running on absolute fumes.

I got nothing people. Make sure to take care of yourself because people can really mistreat you.

God is wonderful, but some of his children need to learn some lessons.

I take complete ownership of my life, but I refuse to be treated like crap anymore. I am going to win people and I’m not going to be a door mat anymore. It is no longer acceptable to verbally abuse me.

I have a very quick tounge I just usually keep it to myself.

I work my ass off and I am going to get mine. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but BS ain’t gonna cut it anymore.
Own your life people and strive for happiness. Don’t pigeon hole yourself. First and foremost I’m an athlete and a communicator. They are both very broad terms because no sport wants to fully accept me.

I’m a freaky CP who some think I am lying about my function. This is another gut shot because if nothing else, I am honest.

We all create our lives and I am learning that we must be very specific with our thoughts.

Don’t be naive like me, expect the best, but prepare for the worst. I assumed others had my back and I was wrong.

Take complete control of your life and be happy.

The world is filled with beautiful things. We must be open to many options and not rely on others or outside forces to satisfy our happiness.

I have learned a lot, but I haven’t gotten what I’ve earned. That isn’t acceptable anymore and I need to go back to the drawing board.

A new life starts NOW!

Chris the door mat is over! I’m gonna win people. I’m gonna win!

Thanks for reading
Chris

YOU OWN YOUR LIFE!

This post is dedicated to John C. Mayer of Bridgeport, CT.

He has inspired so much over the last eight years and has written at least half of the soundtrack to my twenties.

I am so honored to be able to follow him on Twitter. John is witty and wise. I could easily write a book on how much he has inspired me and I will someday.

There is nothing in paticular that led me to write this piece it just came to me after reading many different things he wrote on Twitter. John Mayer is so right on the money about so many different things.

Want to change, start today!

Want to eat standing up? Who’s stopping you!

You’re scared to do something that you know is good for you? Take the risk! Do It!

No one is stopping you from doing anything in your life! The economy doesn’t stop you and somebody telling me my hands work better then they do DOES NOT control how I react one iota.

You have to be tough and strong, but YOU CAN DO IT TODAY!

The past is over; don’t like something, CHANGE IT TODAY!

I OWN MY LIFE! WHO’S WITH ME?

Thanks for reading
Chris

Being Uncool, Can Be The Coolest

I am just testing out a theory in this piece and am open to input from the outside world to test my hypothesis.

I heard somewhere in the last seven to ten days that trying too hard to be smart can be stupid. I definitely agree with that statement. In my younger days I was insecure and would occasionally use words I didn’t fully understand.

I am still a very flawed man, but I know every word that I use in my writing. There is nothing wrong with using simple straightforward language and occasionally using a more advanced word for emphasis or to capture a complex situation.

I strive to find the good in everybody, but I struggle to recognize the good in people who act like they are so much better then the vast majority of humanity. I humbly ask if someone constantly acts like they are better then everyone else; aren’t they actually showing that they are worse?

We are all in this together and we are all God’s children. I have found that when someone is trying too hard to be this or that they are actually being the opposite.

I know people mock my enthusiasm, but I can’t hide the joy I get from my life. For many years I hid who I really was because I was afraid of the criticism. People openly would compliment me for holding back my cheering or “playing it cool”.

I know I am a big fat dork and sometimes I act like a four year old on Christmas morning, but that is who I really am! I know I am uncool and for the first time in my life I’m not ashamed to say it. Uncool is the coolest version of me that I can be.

Please don’t be afraid to be who you really are or who you want to be!

Anything is possible!

Thanks for reading
Chris
chris.rathje@gmail.com

Listen to Your Body :)

I had plans to write two pieces tonight, but it’s just not going to happen.

I’m tired. In years past I would have pushed through, but my body is telling me to chill out.
I must say in the last few weeks I am taking better care of myself and it feels great. Its really pretty simple, but I’ve never done it before to this extent.

1. When I’m tired, I go to sleep.
2. When I’m hungry, I eat.
3. When I have to go to the bathroom, I drop what I am doing and go to the bathroom.

There is nothing wrong with being human. Please learn from all my years of mistakes. Be good to yourself. I’m trying to be better to myself.

Thanks for reading
Chris
chris.rathje@gmail.com

I Am Free!

Writing the last piece was EXTREMELY liberating for me, I have worked hard, played by the rules and I still haven’t gotten a sniff of what I’ve desired.

I’m okay with that because I work in God’s time not my own. I am flawed and I don’t understand why I have to struggle so much when all I do is work my tail off and help others, but that is not for me to decide. I just have to continue to do my best.

I’m a mess up and a screw up, but I’ve yet to meet someone with a bigger heart then me. I REALLY go after what I want with no excuses and no apologies. Many people have said I am so lucky to be at Lakeshore, which I am, but I made my luck. I took less money and had the courage to move down here not really knowing anyone expect Kevin. It doesn’t take talent to be down here, all it takes is determination.

I have had many people back home and other places tell me it takes real guts to move like I did, but I honestly don’t see it. I hated my life before, why shouldn’t I change it?

I am going on fumes right now, but I have a responsibility to myself and my dreams to keep going. I told one of my best friends yesterday I still plan on going to London and I could tell from his voice inflexion he didn’t believe me. I am SICK and TIRED of people discounting me. I promise you Big Boy we will be in the opening ceremonies together.

I have no idea how this is going to happen, but it will. I want it more then anyone else on the planet. I know how hard people work to make it happen and I work harder then most. Just in case anyone doubts my claims my door is always open in Bama. I promise you will be a better, tougher athlete after one week with me.

Part of me feels lost because I can’t make any traction, but I am also soaring like an eagle. What do I have to lose? Nothing!

I know I am the real deal and for the first time in my life I have the courage to say it. I have tried REALLY hard to please people, but have gotten nowhere. Believe whatever you want to believe. It is your right as a human being. I KNOW where I’m going!

I say it loud and proud everyone will know me before the London opening ceremonies and my dreams will come true in about 3.5 years. I will be a Paralympian representing the red white and blue!

The law of attraction is very real and I will get exactly what I want out of life. I am hungry, I am good and I will win!

No matter what your dream is there is only one opinion that matters. YOURS!

Keep working until you win. I WILL WIN SOON!
Thank You!
Chris
chris.rathje@gmail.com

Please Pass The Tube

I’ve got some recent criticism for not being as happy as I usually am, but I’ve also gotten some praise for being honest. So I am going to continue to speak my truth.

Back in 2001 I was having a philosophical conversation with my friends Grant and Stouty. Grant (T12) and Stouty (T6-T7) happen to have spinal cord injuries. They were both envious of the fact that I didn’t have to catheterize in order to go to the bathroom.

I told them I would gladly catheterize if it meant I could have full use of my hands. I would like to amend that comment nearly eight years later. I would catheterize with pleasure everyday for the rest of my life if people really understood what my hands were and were not capable of.

I am tired of everyone thinking I am just some stupid CP. Every time I mess up it’s because I’m stupid, every time I do something good it is because I have so much function.

Back in early 2008 I had the rugby game of my life to that point. I scored the game tying goal with 3 seconds left to send it into overtime and scored the game winning goal in overtime. Afterwards one of the refs came up to me and said “Man you have a lot of function for a CP.” Is it possible that I’m just a good player? No.

I swear on my life I have below average function for someone with CP. I have worked my butt off since I was nine years old to get every ounce out of my body and I am extremely tired of being punished for it.

Every classification system I can think of is based on the medical world and this is where the problem lies. The medical world has been making terrible assumptions for a long time and it has to stop.

When I was four years old I went to therapy four times a week. At some point I remember just collapsing. I was so tired and so sore I couldn’t stop crying. In my four year old head I was lazy and stupid because I had to go down to therapy twice a week and I still couldn’t walk.

Then when I was seven we did 17 reconstructive surgeries in a very short period of time. During the rehab a substitute therapist pushed me way too hard. It hurt so badly and she wouldn’t let me sit down. I literally punched her in the head four or five times until she would let me sit down. If that wasn’t hard enough my leg reconstruction was cutting edge at the time, so I was the topic at some lecture. Dr. James Fisk actually had the audacity to say I would never live on my own, drive a car or walk. Two of three isn’t bad :) Remember I was SEVEN and sitting right there in the front row. That is emotional child abuse.

I have no idea if that is still happening today, but from talking to many other people with cerebral palsy over the last few weeks I have concluded that it happened for many more years after my formative years.

You can’t miraculously make cerebral palsy go away. I worked and worked and worked and my legs didn’t work and my hands didn’t work. The medical community stripped away my self esteem one session at a time. You don’t grow out of an injury no matter what the origin.

It is a wrong premise that has to stop today. A very experienced rugby player told me if you play like a certain class after three years of hard work you are that class. Same thing is true with therapy, if a kid can’t do something after five years, adapt, don’t just keep pushing. Therapists tried to get me to walk up until I was 16. My four year old self was a genius for just stopping and crying. In twelve plus years it never got any less painful.

No matter what you are going through long sustained pain is a sign to change or reevaluate. Pain is bad.

I know I don’t have medical credentials, but I have lived my life and that should count for a lot. The sad thing is, as I talk to more people with cerebral palsy I realize my story is way more common then I wish it was.

This goes for anyone. The time to change things is now. I refuse to live in a world anymore where it is okay to call me a spazz. I will live in a world where people stop making archaic assumptions and start really seeing what I am capable of. I am a proud quad and what I have accomplished on and off the court is due to my hard work, not because I am some freak who has all these countless advantages.

This is way bigger then sports, this is about life.

I am so hurt because I deal with all the crap from the able bodied world that every disabled person deals with, but I also deal with this constant misunderstanding of who I am from the disabled world too. It is a sad truth that I relish the able bodied world’s prejudices in comparison to what I get from my disabled brothers and sisters.

Please never call me a spazz again and think twice before you make an assumption. I have bladder spasms just like everybody else.

Thanks for reading
Chris

Blazing a Trail in a Rugby Chair

This past week has been very challenging for me. Not getting a tryout for the Developmental National Team was so gut wrenching it is beyond words. The reason it is so difficult for me is because I KNOW I would be an extremely valuable member of the team.

Unfortunately wheelchair rugby uses a system to classify hands that does not capture the true level of my impairment. All my muscles are still alive, but they don’t work the way they should. They are slow and clunky and get worse with physical exercise. There is nothing I can do to change this at the moment. It just stinks that I have to wait another two years of my physical prime to see some justice. I remind myself everyday to be thankful for God’s time and to not worry about my own.

In a weird way it has been a blessing in disguise. I have had so many people give me their support over the last week it has been incredible! The system is still very flawed, but the love I feel from the rugby world has never been greater.

One of my greatest supporters was Tom Vesco of Vesco Metal Craft. Tom sent me a great message of support and it was very touching to me. After playing one season of rugby in 2004-2005 I realized a used chair that didn’t fit was not going to cut it.

I called around to the different wheelchair companies and finally decided to get a Vesco. I was very nervous about getting a rugby chair because no one had ever built a chair for a cerebral palsy ball handler before in the United States. I was worried chair manufacturers wouldn’t realize I could feel my legs and they wouldn’t realize my legs are constantly jumping up and down out of my control.

Tom and Neil are very solutions oriented people. They suggested I just come out to the shop in San Diego and they would measure me for the chair themselves. My parents gave me my Christmas present three months early that year; I got a plane ticket from Chicago to San Diego.

Tom, Neil and I become a team in how to make me the best rugby chair. We made some assumptions, some were right, some were wrong, but that is what happens when you are trailblazers. Perfection was never the goal, positive growth was. We assumed I would be able to do things with my hands and trunk that I never was able to, but how were we supposed to know this at the time?

I promise making mistakes is one thousand times better then never trying. I look at my 26 inch wheels and wish I had the quick starting of 25 inch wheels. Because of my function loss in my hands I want to move to 25 inch tires, but that doesn’t make my 26 inch tires bad.



I’m proud of my 26 inch wheels because it is a symbol of my innovation and willingness to keep trying things despite barriers.

I was used to 26 inch tires from basketball. When I played college wheelchair basketball I had the worst hands in the league. If anyone touched the ball while I was holding it I was going to turn it over. The one thing I had going for me was my height.

I have long arms and could even block some high function players thanks to my wingspan. I was ALWAYS guarded by shorter players. So I learned to put the ball above my head with two arms that way no one could steal the ball from me. With 26 inch tires I was one inch taller. The way my basketball logic worked back then was all based on stable height. So many people were faster then me, I just didn’t want to cause turnovers the few times I got to touch the ball.

Pushing with 26 inch tires creates interesting advantages and disadvantages. It just seemed like the right thing for me to do to keep doing what I was doing while playing basketball.

I love rugby with all my heart, but it has not been easy. It has been and continues to be a roller coaster. It is nice to have someone to have my back through the twist and turns like the Vescos. I am venturing a guess that no one in rugby has as messed up feet as me that they CAN FULLY FEEL. This creates some interesting challenges and we are still figuring things out. I am currently on my third foot plate and the Vescos have never charged me an extra dime.

People, who know me, know that I am wired differently. I don’t see companies as companies, they are people. Red from Eagle is an excellent man and his son Tate is one of my favorite people in rugby, but I can only have one chair. I’ll keep blazing my trail in the chair with the yellow wheels.

Thanks for reading! Anything is possible!
Chris