I Don’t Care How Long It Takes, That Turnip is Going to Bleed!

I Don’t Care How Long It Takes, That Turnip is Going to Bleed!

I was blessed to go to the University of Illinois. I did not have the raw materials to be successful there, but I wouldn’t allow that to stop me. I was scared, I lacked a lot of life skills, but I had one thing going for me, I was determined.

For a myriad of reasons it took me a lot longer amount of time to do my homework then the average student. An average night for me was going to bed at 1 AM, and getting up at 4:45 AM. The only way I survived those first five semesters before I had a better system down was a lot of sleep on the weekends and occasional naps. As you can imagine I had my moments of weakness with such little sleep. There were moments I literally saw red and lashed out in anger, there were moments I was so sad when I failed, I would openly bawl in front of a large group of people.

On one such occasion someone said “You can’t make a turnip bleed.” I basically took it to mean well you have cerebral palsy; you can’t be a good athlete.

I do not like to use profanity because it puts up barriers, but it took every fiber of my being not to use a word that starts with the 6th letter of the alphabet and the appropriate pronoun. (Believe me I am no saint just ask Joel or Sulli about the Germany game in 2008.)

That anger, that venom stayed inside for quite a few years. The problem remains the same, but how I choose to deal with it has changed. I will be positive and I will overcome it.

Some of you might be asking yourself why is Chris talking about this?

On Wednesday I realized something that I knew, but was unwilling to admit. I am losing function. These are not medical terms, but this is how I explain it. With cerebral palsy you have your base injury and then you have damage from your spasms. I realized on Wednesday that my spasm damage has reached a new level. I went to see my wonderful friend and massage therapist Linda because I have felt really uncomfortable for the last five weeks. My body has felt like a pretzel. It is uncomfortable to sit. (That’s a real problem for someone who uses a wheelchair.) I don’t get scared often by my crazy body, but I honestly was.

Anyways, Linda concluded that my abs were a big spastic mess and they were shifted to the left after accidently doing some uneven sit-ups. The fact that I was doing extra crunches to make up for some injuries earlier in the year was actually causing more harm then good. We were trying to figure out what was going on and then I just kind of blurted out “could I be losing function?”

She had me grip her hands. I couldn’t grip as hard as I used to. We did some things to test my abs, I couldn’t move as easily. There was nothing scientific to what we did, but the answer is pretty obvious.

I have lost function. The weird thing with CP is I could probably get most of it back, but at a cost. No more working out if I want to have looser hands and abs. I need to decrease my muscle tone so I have fewer spasms.

This is nothing new to my subconscious. It realized that after the Minnesota tournament I couldn’t grip as well, sometime during the off season my abs lock up more during pushing then ever before and I can’t use my middle fingers or thumbs for typing like I used to. However earlier I did not have the courage to ask this question.

Could this be it for rugby? That venom from a few years ago showed up in small doses and that is one of the reasons I have stayed in my apartment for the last two days. At some point early this morning I concluded this is a major crossroads. I had a choice to make. Is this going to make me bitter or better? I choose to make myself better. It is always the right decision, but sometimes it takes some time to see it.

By no means does this mean I have to stop playing rugby! It actually means quite the opposite; it means it is time to step it up. I have always worked hard, but I don’t know if I’ve always worked smart. I need to empower myself with more information by talking to doctors and therapists. Find that perfect amount of exercise where I’m doing the most good.

This is not going to help just me; this is going to help the entire wheelchair sports community! I am going to share everything I learn with everyone so we can see all the greatness that lies ahead. People with cerebral palsy can be athletes too. We just need to be trained according to our bodies and classed properly. I know this will not be easy and this will not happen overnight, but what great things happen overnight and painlessly?

I am thankful that I lost function when I did because I know it serves a greater purpose. I prayed for months ahead a time to be at my best for the Demolition Derby and I was able to play more in front of the home crowd then ever before.

I started feeling like a pretzel the next weekend in Raleigh. The universe works in mysterious ways, but in the long run it is good to you if you are good to it.

I would like to finish up by giving thanks.

Thank you Delvin for pulling me aside at the Raleigh tournament and telling me not to be afraid to handle the ball. I now know that I was very scared by what my body was doing to itself even though I couldn’t put it into words at the moment. You saw the fear in eyes before I even knew it was there.

A very special thank you to Eddie who saw my drop in function and has believed my class should change even before I did.

I would also like to thank my friends from Canada, London (GB) and Denver for pulling me aside and saying what they saw about my function level. It is truly selfless and shows how great our sport is.

Our sport is amazing. Let’s keep playing hard, having fun and changing lives! We can smash the stereotype of what someone with cerebral palsy is capable of and make that turnip bleed.

Thank you for reading
Chris