Block Goggles
According to my wonderful friend Todd I have beer goggles on because I disagree with him on some topics. Nothing could be further from the truth because I have not had a drop of alcohol in nearly 2 years as a sacrifice for my athletic training. However I will agree I have block goggles on at times. I convince myself of situations being different than they really are and in turn this blocks me from possible success in the future. I wholeheartedly believe I deal with small failures well, but I'm still working on figuring out the big failures of failed job interviews, failed tryouts and dealing with the opposite sex. It seems I am not capable of having accurate memories of these failures.
If someone tells me they would like to hire me but they cannot at the moment that is not code for you are a horrible applicant now leave me alone! But I have an extremely hard time seeing that. I go back to look at old emails and convince myself of what a moronic writer I am. Sometimes it takes me three or four readings but I realize what I said wasn't as stupid as I originally thought. Through a lot of self inspection I realize rejection is not a failure most of the time, instead it is a step in the right direction however at times I still feel lost because I don't know how to get an outcome I desire.
No real solutions here but maybe if there is somebody out there who is having a similar problem you can take comfort that you are not alone. There are times when you must take the block goggles off and give yourself a break.
Go with The Know
I have been blessed with a pretty good brain inside my head so I know a couple facts, but the kind of knowing I'm discussing here comes from a much deeper place that is not attached to myself but somehow we are all connected to it together. I am talking about a deep deep belief that wasn't there one minute ago and all of a sudden it is absolute fact like the sky is blue and the Earth is round.
When it comes to deep knowing I am certain these beliefs can become reality because of my college experience. In the sixth or seventh grade we had to talk about what we wanted to do when we grew up. I remembered saying I wanted to play wheelchair basketball at the University of Illinois. What is so funny to me, looking back at it, is I knew so little about wheelchair basketball at the time and even less about the University of Illinois. Still by 12 I knew it and by 18-22 I had done it.
An even longer held belief is that I will be a US Paralympian. I tried for many years through basketball never getting close to the dream and failed to make the US track and field team in 2008. The dream has not gone anywhere however I'm not completely sold on where it's headed. I love the sport of wheelchair rugby more then sleep or food and pushing my wheelchair gives me a sense of freedom and joy that I have yet to be able to replicate doing anything else. I'm not at the level I need to be in either sport to make my dream a reality at the moment but in my mind's eye I see myself as one of the most intense, fit, and intelligent athletes out there who will make my dream come true. I am not where I want to be but I will be ready with time to spare in 2012 and 2016. I'm stepping in faith and just saying "I know what I know." There are only a few pieces of information that have ever fit under this category and there are still others I have not figured out.
Everybody has their highest held dreams. Hold on to them no matter what and make them happen!
I hope somebody gained something from this.
Thanks so much
Chris
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