In totality this year was so much more challenging and difficult then my greatest year of uncertainty 2006. In 2006 I had only one goal to move down to Alabama by rugby season. I was lost in a mind of confusion and self-doubt for much of the year. I applied for jobs in Birmingham and just sat reading, watching movies and working out, waiting for my phone to ring or e-mails to come to my inbox. Neither came because of my lack of action that was all tied into my low self-esteem. Thanks to the generosity of my uncle Ralph and aunt Trish a trail was blazed to Alabama in October of 2006. I moved 700 miles away and made a dream a reality. I do not think it was a coincidence that less then six weeks later the idea to write a book popped into my head for the second time in my adult life. I started writing, but by the time I had compiled 40 random pages I had convinced myself that no one cares about my college years and how I perceived them. Between November 2006 and November 2008 I started and failed to complete seven books. The books included two about college, a fictional character goes on his last road trip, a book about trying to figure out life, a fictional book about dating, a book I called Rathjeisms and a book about figuring out your new body once you have a disability. I just realized something, going with the biblical quote in Proverbs and the ancient Asian saying I fell 7 times before I rose to start writing Don’t Be Afraid to Eat Soup with a Fork And Other Lessons from the Gut.
My biggest failure this year was I did not qualify for the 2008 Beijing Paralympics. In retrospect, I worked extremely hard, but I did not succeed because I wasn’t ready. There are so many things I am at peace with in my life that I never used to be, however training for the Paralympics was not one of them. Sure I trained 10-12 times a week meaning many days I would push up the hill to Lakeshore twice a day, but I did that out of fear of failing I did not do that out of faith. When the teams departed for Beijing in the later part of August a calmness came over me because they were on the plane and it was over. Beijing didn’t happen, but London will. A member at Lakeshore asked me the day after everyone departed if I planned to go to London. For the first time ever, instead of my typical response I hope so. I said I’ll be there! The path is still foggy because I’m not at the level that I need to be at for either sport, but I know I will get there.
I’ve never had much faith in myself, but it is growing thanks to a very interesting circle that has developed. I have a strong belief in God and everything good in the universe. I know a vast majority of my ideas are gifts from the universe. I wholeheartedly believe in my ideas. If God and the universe see it fit that I be blessed to be a megaphone for its glory, maybe I’m a better person then I have ever given myself credit. I’m 100% sure that this logic can be applied to anyone. All human beings are worthy and lovely creatures. Pump yourself up if you are down or bring yourself back to Earth if you think you are greater than others.
Outside of sports another weakness has been my interesting mix of social skills. With the dual purpose of getting the word out about my writing and coming to grips with my entire life I have sent out more e-mails and friend requests on facebook then ever before. In today’s day and age I realize there is no reason I must keep my thoughts to myself. If I think of someone or something there’s no harm in writing a paragraph or sentence to send out good energy in the world. As I have previously written, thanks to John Mayer, I realize life is so much better when you “say what you need to say.” I hope everyone out there figures out the best way for them to communicate and they find the courage to communicate freely. I cannot reiterate this enough, there is nothing special about me I just got to the point where I was fed up with aspects of my life and I realized it was completely in my control to change it.
When talking about friendship I find it very fitting to share with you my last sleeping dream of 2008. I entered a movie theater with some people, as we approach the seats they go to the last row of the theater rather than sit up front with me. I just kind of sit there baffled as I sit there alone. Before I know it the entire theater fills up with people many of which I do not know. As the last seat in the theater is filled, the movie theater morphs into a mini version of my favorite stadium in the entire world, Huff Hall. A pep rally breaks out and my greatest cheerleader for the past 8+ years my incredible friend Dave joins me in the front row and makes the entire crowd keel over in laughter thanks to the assistance of his large microphone.
This dream had some metaphors in it. Just like the ideas of frequency and music we should find people who like to sit in the same part of the theater as we do. It is most politically correct for me to sit in the front, but I want to surround myself with people who are not embarrassed by me dragging myself to the top row. Dave has done more fireman carries and other acts of sheer will to help me eat the soup of life then anyone. We all have our cheerleaders and people to sit next to but sometimes it takes patience and a willingness to go about your life pushing forward regardless of the circumstance.
Now it is time to thank my copious amount of supporters. The first thank you goes out to my guardian angels. I know I have many passed family members and friends who are looking after me as well as my man Brenden Foster as vessels sent to me by the universe.
I would also like to thank the wonderful people at fiftypeopleonequestion.com It has been an honor to get to know Benjamin Reece and I look forward to getting to know the rest of the crew in 2009 and beyond. This blog and my career would not be where it is without your influence. They are geniuses and their voice needs to be heard by the entire world.
Thanks to Judy Vorfeld, Daryn Kagan and the people at Chicken Soup For the Soul for being the first people to professionally believe in my writing. 2008 has also been the year of the virtual friend. I have made more connections without actually meeting people then ever before. Thank you our new friendships have been an honor and a privilege so far. Facebook continues to amaze me and I am excited with more people joining my group every week.
Thank you to my amazing Lakeshore family, my biological family, and my entire rugby family and all the other brothers and sisters I have collected from Lester elementary school, Herrick Middle School, Downers Grove North, University of Illinois, Northwestern University Medill IMC, Birmingham and this odd and wonderful dance we call life!
Even though I failed early and often in 2008 it was the greatest year of my life. This year I realized I 100% control my life. Speed bumps are a certainty, but that is our chance to prove we really want something. If anyone ever has a time of challenge, email me at chris.rathje@gmail.com I will do my best to help. We are all in this together!
Towards the end of 2007 I met a great young director named Jared Goodman. He asked me what I wanted to accomplish and I told him to get some real momentum going in my life. I knew if I became a more consistent person and believed in myself more I could become a force of nature. I joked there is earth, fire, wind and Rathje. I know together we can accomplish great things. I’ve come up with a new analogy. Lets all get on a rocket train together. Horizontally we can bust through anything that comes, like a freight train, and vertically we’re headed to the top in a way never seen before.
I’m really excited for 2009! In complete honesty I don’t fully believe in myself yet, but I do fully believe in my ideas. I have to succeed to show the blessings I have been given have merit. Lets all walk together in faith, belief and love to promote positivity one step at a time.
Thanks to all the faces in the crowd that have been such wonderful support and all those blank faces in my dream that I’ve yet to meet. We will sit together and make beautiful music with lyrics that anyone can do anything being sung often!
Thanks 2008 it has been a blast. Hello new friend 2009, the best year yet!
Thanks for reading!
Chris
No comments:
Post a Comment