During my early teen years my parents and I realized that there was something wrong with my feet. My toes would curl under themselves due to a hereditary bunion condition coupled with my severe spasticity.
As a child I had seen the inside of an operating room plenty and if I could go the rest of my life without having to see one I would have been overjoyed. However by the time spring break 1998 rolled around the doctor said we could not wait any longer, we had to operate.
I fearfully agreed but I made a deal with my parents that I wouldn't stay overnight in the hospital. As I woke up from surgery I was informed of two facts that will always stick with me. First my left foot was in worse condition than my doctor could have ever imagined. Which meant that if we would have waited much longer amputation could have been a possibility. Secondly I found out that my doctor was not happy with how my second and third toes had repositioned so he decided to sew them together like a duck. I was quickly informed that Michael Jordan had the exact same thing done. That's pretty cool news for 16-year-old lifelong Bulls fan!
After post op I was taken to recovery in pediatrics because that was my surgeon’s specialty. I remember being full of fear looking at the room as a dungeon but in retrospect it was a pretty sweet deal. I'd have all the hamburgers and ice cream I could eat, cable television and a gorgeous twenty something nurse who seemed happy to have a pseudo-adult patient.
In the moment I could not recognize the positive aspects of the hospital. I just played the horror film I had created in my head over and over again. I was going to go home no matter what.
Just so we're clear this was not outpatient surgery. They had totally reconstructed my left foot. Do you know what Wolverine's hands look like from X-men with large pieces of metal protruding flesh? That is what my foot looked like.
I got to return home and was happy as a clam for a few hours until the pain block the doctors had given me wore off around midnight. Then the most painful week of my life began. I think it is irrelevant to describe the pain but to give you some idea I was on 16 vicodin and eight valium a day.
The first few days I don’t think I really slept instead I just passed out at times because of pain. By the time two and a half days had elapsed I was seeing pink monkeys and green giraffes. I knew they weren't really there but it shows what a lack of sleep and high levels of pain medication can do.
In telling the story I have two main points. First it is always wonderful to push yourself but sometimes you must be smart and motivated for the right reasons. The reason I left the hospital early had nothing to do with making a miraculous recovery. It was all based on a long planted fear of the hospital. Secondly figure out a way to take care of your pain whether it is physical, mental or emotional. The earlier you take care of it there is less of a chance that the pink monkeys and green giraffes will make a visit.
If you find yourself so wrapped up in fear about a particular topic that you can't ever imagine your pink monkeys or green giraffes going away I promise you they can and will go away. Taking some action to eliminate them is always preferable to sitting around thinking about them.
On one hand pain should not be tolerated because it prevents us from reaching our full potential but on the other hand it might propel us to reaching our full potential. I know with certainty that because of the pain I felt in my left foot in 1998 I'm a stronger person and I am more appreciative of what I have.
There were many times in college where group mates would complain how horrible a certain project was. I would quietly think to myself “this isn't even close to horrible.” That also got me thinking how lucky I was. Doctors meant to do this to me and I had pain medication. Think of all the horrible incidents that occur all over the world by accident without proper medical care.
If you have the technology to read this chances are we are all incredibly blessed. If you find yourself dealing with a mental or emotional problem I promise you have all the resources you need to take care of it. Listen within for a voice of love and belief and take a step of action forward in faith.
Much love everyone! Thanks for reading.
Chris
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